Cheese

Not that you're reading this, but does anyone know why shredded cheese tastes better than a slice of cheese?

Google shouldn't make you log in everytime you want to post on your blog.

I just got a call from the only place I've applied to (I'm an idiot!!!) so far asking me to call back and talk about positions! OMG!!!!

toxicity annalogy

This life is full of toxicity. I feel like I've become saturated with the toxicity and I need to get away for a while to get it out of my system. I feel like I need to spend some time at home. I feel like I need to create a home and that process will help drive out this toxic material... random thoughts.

How is it only Wednesday? Are you having a good week? Not that you're reading this.

As god as my witness, I'll never live in a duplex again!

Thank god the neighbors are home. I wasn't sure what to do with myself when I couldn't hear anyone screaming this afternoon!

What I made this weekend

I've been working on the double ring since December. I've never sewn on a curve before. Kinda proud of myself. The rest of the quilt will be the four block you can see laid out in the background.

What I did for someone else today: We had a 2 hour early dismissal because of snow and ice, so I beat my husband home and met him with a cup of hot chocolate full of marshmallows.

Why I made this blog OR a huge brain dump

When I decided that it might be fun to start a (pretentious) blog, I thought it might be helpful to document the process of going from a shitty job to a not so shitty job. The problem with that is that I couldn't write about quitting a job on the internet, when I hadn't actually told my boss I was quitting my job. So, I kept some mental notes, and here they are.

The day I decided to quit was a bad day. I've never gotten a huge amount of respect from anyone I work with, but that day I had gotten yelled at by a co-worker in a meeting, in front of my boss, because he didn't like the schedule I had written for the special education students this year. (Background info: sped. students have legal documents that follow them around saying how much time they get to spend with the sped. teacher or the para educator...ect. So their schedules are determined by when the sped. teacher or para can see them.) No one else in the room, including my boss, thought this was unprofessional, and instead decided the best course of action was to take a student out of the classes he was in where he was getting his supported minutes and put him in classes without that support. Which meant I had to rewrite his document (called an IEP) to reflect this teacher's hissy fit and not what was best for the student. (Not that you're reading this, but if you have a special needs student, you need to seriously question any changes in their schedule or services a teacher proposes.)

So that day I came home, had about 3 beers in less than an hour, and threw the "c" word around like candy at a parade. Everyone I worked with was a "c" that day as far as I was concerned. My husband came home from cross country practice and I told him that F this shit, I'm not going back to that school another year. Back then I said I wouldn't leave unless I already had another job lined up, but right now I'm leaving no matter what. If I don't I'll die from the stress--at least it feels like I will. And right now, I'm crossing my fingers that my husband gets a really good job so I can stay home and have lots of babies.

I thought that right after I made that decision I'd have an immense feeling of relief. That feeling never came. I did feel minor amounts of relief every time I saw a teacher short changing one of my students. Instead of gearing up for the huge fight I was about to have on my hands, I sat back, thought about how the administration was aware of the problem and wasn't doing anything about it, and washed my hands. It wasn't my problem anymore. The kids that wouldn't be ready for next year, didn't matter because I wouldn't be their teacher next year. And when everyone else gets ready to blame me, it wont matter because I'll be gone.

I'm not saying the kids aren't worth the fight. They are. It's just that I don't have any fight left.

The biggest change after that day was the headaches. I used to come home with a headache everyday. I had a stomachache for about 8 months straight once, as well (that makes for happy poops). I went from having a headache everyday, to having only three or four since that day in November. I still get angry about the way my students and I are treated, and I've seen some SERIOUS mistreatment of my students since November, but I wont get bent out of shape anymore. I can't fix my co-workers. I can't fix the administration. I can leave. And I am leaving.

Not that you're reading this, but have you ever left a shitty job?

What I did for someone else today.

I smiled at everyone and looked at them when I said "thank you" today while I was shopping. My New Years resolution was was to do something for someone else everyday. It's getting more difficult because I'm starting to run out of ideas. Especially on the weekend when I only see my husband. Not that you're reading this.

Stupidity + stupidity = dummy

So today, my principal came to me to ask me not to leave. She said that she was sad to see me go and that as a mom she didn't like to see me leave a sure thing, like this job, for something that's only a possibility.

I totally understand all of her reasons. And she is right. But I can't stand to work there any longer. I have to do what's right for kids, and I can't do it in that school.

So what do you get when you put a stupid idea with stupidly refusing a second chance? This dummy! Not that you're reading about this dummy anyway.

My happy card.

10 things that make me happy.

1) My husband

2) Chocolate

3) My cat

4) Good books and great books

5) That student who hugs me everyday and says, "No offense, but you're a pretty good teacher."

6) New beginnings.

7) Friends and family who are WILLING to help you with new beginnings.

8) Snuggling

9) Plants... especially the ones that give you food.

10) Sunshine.

11) You, not that you're reading this.

My big day.

So today I quit my job. I've known since November that I was going to try for another job, but I just now talked to my boss. Because I am a special education teacher, I have to follow through on my contract which says I will work until about June (or whenever the snow days wear off). I told my principal today because I didn't want to start applying for jobs and have my boss find out when a potential employer contacted her.

My boss was very supportive. She understood why I was leaving. Except that I lied to her. I didn't say it was because I can't stand to work with my co-workers for another day. As a sped. teacher, I'm sick of being treated as an inferior human being. Because only "dummys" can teach kids with disabilities.

Anyway, after my announcement this morning, I realized this evening, I DON'T HAVE A JOB NEXT YEAR! Honestly, I always knew this was coming. I just thought I'd have a job before I cut myself off from the one I have. I really, truly believe it's for the best. I can't work here anymore. The stress of being a special education teacher is not worth the monetary compensation I get. The summers are nice, REALLY NICE, but 9 months out of the year I feel like butt. And don't get me wrong. This stress has NOTHING to do with the kids. I love my students. Each and everyone of my students. They are good kids. But the adults I work with see me as an inferior person. They don't value my intelligence or my input. I feel like I've spent the last three years fighting my co-workers and fighting the system for what's right for my kids. And three years of constant fighting wears one out. Three years of being spoken to like I'm a moron wears one out. And you know what, I am smart!

But apparently, not smart enough to not quit my job before I had another one. I know a lot of people are looking for jobs in this economy, and they probably think I'm throwing away my something very valuable. Understand, I don't place no value on my livelihood. I just don't think it's valuable enough to balance out the misery I'm constantly living in during the school year.

But you're not judging me. You're not even reading this.

One for the kiddies

Once upon a time there was a frog. He wanted to be a prince so badly. He knew all it would take was one kiss from the princess, and so many frogs were getting kissed these days. He knew he would never join their ranks. You see, our poor protagonist was bald. And what self-respecting princess would kiss a frog with no hair? But our bald frog was no dummy. He knew that hair didn't have to be grown. Hair could be bought. So he traveled the far and wide looking for the best wig maker in the kingdom. After many months of searching, he came upon a fellow that could make wigs for the largest melon or smallest pea, and since he was a frog he knew he needed someone with this talent. When the wig maker was finished, he had the most ravishing head of hair that money could buy. And let me tell you, not only was that frog kissed by a princess, he was kissed by twenty. But to his surprise, frogs don't actually turn into princes when they're kissed. That's just a story.

Blogs are so pretentious.

Really, who has a blog?  They're so pretentious.  If you want me to know something about your life, pick up the phone.  Or at least send me an email.  You're not special enough for me to spend all that time reading your blog.  So, yeah.  I get all that.  And I'm even a bit late on the blog train.  I mean it's 2011 already.   But I have a lot of thoughts.  So, I don't really expect anyone to read this.  It's just the extra spill out from my brain that needs a place to go. 

So tomorrow's a big day for me.  A really big day.  And when tomorrow is over, I can actually tell you why it was a big day and fill you in on all of those thoughts I've been leaking. 

But let's not kid ourselves.  You're not going to read this today... or tomorrow... because blogs are so pretentious.